“Surgeons and psychologists: they should know better, that a transition is not a solution for childhood trauma.” In 2021, Eefje Spreutels made the news because she wanted to enter a convent as a trans woman. Two years later, we spoke to her again to hear whether her wish had come true. Today, it turns out that her greatest wish has become her greatest regret. We meet Eefje again, only now she goes through life as Johannes (50). He tells us how “an incorrect diagnosis and incorrect guidance” led to an irreversible transition in his case. And why exactly he chose the name Johannes.“Surgeons and psychologists: they should know better, that a transition is not a solution for childhood trauma.” In 2021, Eefje Spreutels made the news because she wanted to enter a convent as a trans woman. Two years later, we spoke to her again to hear whether her wish had come true. Today, it turns out that her greatest wish has become her greatest regret. We meet Eefje again, only now she goes through life as Johannes (50). He tells us how “an incorrect diagnosis and incorrect guidance” led to an irreversible transition in his case. And why exactly he chose the name Johannes.
The last time we spoke to Johannes, then still Eefje, he had just found a home for him and his three dogs in Heist-op-den-Berg. He is still very happy there, but he has been through a difficult period. He underwent gender reassignment surgery, but came to the realization that becoming a woman did not provide the answers he hoped for. Only one psychologist he recently visited was able to identify the core of his problem and opened his eyes.
“When I was seven years old, I was a victim of serious child abuse by a family member,” he says. “At that age, I started thinking about what life would be like as a girl. I didn’t feel good about myself. I suppressed those thoughts for years and when I got older and started working, I ended up in the criminal world. It was a big escape, all because of what had happened. Eventually, I did escape from that environment and started paying more and more attention to those thoughts. At the beginning of 2020, I came out as a woman.”
Johannes then went looking for help. He ended up with several psychologists specializing in gender in a well-known Belgian hospital. “The abuse was discussed, but they thought I was so sure about the fact that I wanted to become a woman. They simply ignored the fact that I was being abused. I was not assigned the right psychiatrist to process those childhood traumas. Discussions with the surgeons soon followed, but at the time I was still happy about that. I told myself a lie with all the consequences. I still remember that day. Just before I was rolled into the operating room, a little voice in my head said: ‘Don’t do it!’, but I did it anyway. When I got home afterwards and looked in the mirror, I felt nothing.”
“Now my body is mutilated. I have lost my masculinity and I find it so bad, I could cry. I asked for it, I paid a lot of money for it, but I did not get the diagnosis and help I needed. 20 years ago I knew someone who, like me, wanted to change gender. He was sent a 200-page questionnaire that he had to fill out. I am still waiting for that first page. The way the surgeons and psychologists acted is not correct. They should know better, that a transition is not a solution for childhood trauma. I felt abandoned.”
Now Johannes wants to sound the alarm so that others do not suffer the same fate. He receives a lot of support for this, unlike when he wanted to become a woman. “There will be people who are happy with their decision. I am not and I am not the only one who experiences this. According to a British study from 2021, the number of people who want to detransition is between 1 and 8 percent. It also happens much more often that children want to change gender at a young age and are given puberty blockers, while that may not be a solution to their problems at all. It is time that more attention is paid to the background and the reason why someone wants to change gender. I believe that you should not mess with nature and that you should not make such difficult decisions for a child.”
Faith also still has a very prominent place in his life. “At the time, I thought that I had to go to a convent as a woman, to be close to God as a sister. I went too far in that, because I learned that you can also be close to God through prayer and by visiting church. Sister Eefje was not what I thought she would be, but that does not mean she is an evil witch. She has unleashed many beautiful, positive things in me and taught me a lot. Through her I want to spread my message in a positive way, not in an angry, hateful way.”
Crowdfunding
Because Johannes has undergone gender reassignment surgery, he is looking for help to reverse his choice. “The procedure to have your breast prostheses removed costs 5,000 euros. When you change gender for the first time, you receive compensation for this. If you regret it afterwards and want to change your choice back, the government will drop you like a ton of bricks. I have started asking the necessary authorities. Anyone who wants to help me can always contact me, but I have also launched a crowdfunding campaign to raise the money.”
Johannes is also currently following trajectory guidance via the VDAB to get back into the labor market. “I am doing a voluntary internship at a riding school in Putte and I feel very good there. I work in the stables, help in the garden and can go horse riding every now and then. I enjoy that immensely. I wonder if I will ever find a life partner with this body. I have also developed a phobia of sexuality and intimacy due to my abuse, but those are worries for later. I have enough other things on my mind at the moment.”
He was born as Johan, then chose to go through life as Sister Eefje, but is starting a new chapter as Johannes. “I don’t think Johan is a beautiful name. There is too much suffering associated with it. Johannes is a bit taller, but much more beautiful and it is also a religious name! The love of God became my awakening in Johannes.”
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